On being loving

05.10.08 / NLP / Author: kate

Why do you love the people who you love? Maybe you know maybe you don’t. Even with all the research that is being done in pheromones , the biochemistry of love and even though we have images of the brain of people who are in love and those who are not we cannot tell why we love a certain person and not somebody else.

It would open up a wide new range of possibilities if we could simply choose who we loved or even fell in love with however life is more fascinating than that at the moment .

So let’s look at romantic love. Why is it that some couples stay together for 20 years and others last 2 weeks. And more to the point what do you want it to be like for you and how can you achieve that. To be honest I think all you can do is be loving and allow yourself to be loved and enjoy the relationhip for however long it lasts.

 Thousands of words have been poured over this subject so I’m going to keep it short.

One of the key elements of maintaining  a loving romantic relationship seems to be being loving towards each other, consistently.That is to say that you keep your focus on what matters, what matters is that you are in love or love this person and therefore you want to treat him or her well so that he or she will feel happy and loved. Therefore even if you feel a little less loving , maybe you’re tired or stressed or even hurt , keep in mind very clearly what the bottom line is: is this loving behaviour , will this create a loving state in myself and this other person or not.

You are not only loving to be kind towards the people you love, it is also a very nice state to be in for you as a person. When you behave like a loving person it probably will ( but do feel free to try this out for yourself) make you feel great. That then will make you feel more self loving because you can love yourself for being such a loving person even when the going get’s tough.

 There is no point in taking out your frustrations or stress out on anybody least of all yourself. It may be worth your while to learn a techniqe like meditation, or yoga or having a latte and a newspaper, whatever does it for you, to learn how to let go and relax.  So that you’ll be more loving more of the time and become a true ‘”loving person” and “loved person”

 Keep in mind that allowing yourself to be loved it important to. It is a very kind thing to do to allow somebody to love you and to enjoy that sense. It creates a balance between giving and receiving.